i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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