Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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