he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
