Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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