Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
