I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
