i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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