The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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