It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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