you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
