just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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