Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Swine flu. Run for my life!

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(248): View more from Michigan

Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way

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(785): View more from Kansas

Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??

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(309): View more from Illinois

I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs

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(702): View more from Nevada

You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on

Fav 2 265 174
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(661): View more from California

Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action

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