There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
