I skipped work to stalk him.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
