Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
