Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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