Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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