Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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