too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
