Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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