i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
