I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
