Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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