So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
