I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
