So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
