I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
These tits shall not be calmed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
