another moral hangover. fuck.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
