Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
