I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
