my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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