Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
