i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
