Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
