The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
