I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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