Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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