he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
