And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
