and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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