Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
