he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
