Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
