I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
