I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
