I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
