Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
