Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
