Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
