it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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