I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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