its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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